A horrifying racist loved my novel! Oh, joy!

NOT A JOKE: THIS POST IS *FULL* OF TRIGGER WORDS. IF YOU HAVE BEEN VICTIMIZED BY RAPISTS, RACISTS, NEO-NAZIS, OR GENERAL INTERNET CRUELTY, PLEASE READ THIS CAUTIOUSLY IF YOU DECIDE TO READ IT AT ALL.

AGAIN, THIS POST IS *NOT* A JOKE.

Okay, so who likes stories involving irony, intellectual dilemmas, and mixed feelings? Check this out:

I got an email this morning which showed a very close and careful reading of my Hugo Navikov book, Space Explosions! Pew! Pew! Pew! The writer obviously liked the book and gave me a playful hard time about there not being any actual explosions in space in the novel. That was great, and I am pleased at my reader’s enthusiasm.

Um … however.

oh-no 
Jesus Christ. Okay, go on.

The sender’s domain name was “nigge.rs.”

Again, that would be NIGGE.RS.

Um … maybe it’s a rap star’s custom domain! Yeah, that must be what it is. Except that would be “nigg.az,” the computer-savvy rapper being straight outta Azerbaijan.

Well, maybe the fellow’s nickname is “Little Nigge,” like, because his given name is “Nigel” or something. Yeah, that’s probably what it is—”Nigel” is a common British name, so the “.rs” suffix is probably for “Ringo Starr” or “Rumpled Scones” or something else very, very English.

So, God help me, I checked.

From Wikipedia:

rs is the Internet country code top-level domain (ccTLD) for Serbia. The domain name registry that operates it is the Serbian National Internet Domain Registry (RNIDS). The letters rs stand for Republika Srbija / Република Србија (Republic of Serbia).

Now, I don’t think of Serbia as an especially racist nation (y’know, except for that whole ethnic cleansing and genocide of the 1990s, but that was intramural between white people). Also, Serbia is a slavic country and Russia is most supportive of slavic countries. Russia is also infamous for being a wretched hive of bad-hacker scum and villiany. So, even though this email writer liked and appreciated my book, there were several attachments that I wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole (or Pole, since we’re talking slavic countries).

A little digging produced a list of other domains under this top-level domain (which, classily, is “cock.li,” from Liechtenstein, of all places) other than the disturbing “nigge.rs.” Have a look and then maybe have a long, hot shower:

cockWell, that’s certainly classy.

cock.li
cumallover.me (Montenegro, in the Balkans, is right next to Slovakia, a slavic country)

dicksinhisan.us
loves.dicksinhisan.us
wants.dicksinhisan.us
dicksinmyan.us
loves.dicksinmyan.us
wants.dicksinmyan.us
goat.si (I don’t want to know why Slovenia, another slavic country, is home to this one)
horsefucker.org
national.shitposting.agency
nigge.rs
cock.lu (straight outta Luxembourg, for a change of pace)
cock.email
hitler.rocks
getbackinthe.kitchen
cocaine.ninja

Now, as a writer, American, and not-horrible human being, I respect free speech, and no one, at least not directly, is being harmed by a domain name called “loves.dicksinhisan.us.” A dirty joke—and, on occasion, perhaps, an ill-advised ethnic joke—aren’t doing anything to help the world, but they relieve tension among some people and hardly compare to the hate and vulgarity spewed so vehemently by the most privileged people in all of history.

But shit, man. “nigge.rs”? “hitler.rocks”? “getbackinthe.kitchen”? THESE are some of the people reading my books and liking them enough to contact me with evidence that they really did read and like them?

Sometimes I think I should’ve listened to my Dad and become a postal worker. I guarantee I’d be better at it than Mississippi postmaster William Faulkner, who routinely “lost the mail [and] spent the afternoons playing Mah Jong and sometimes going on a round of golf.” (Actually, come to think of it, I probably wouldn’t be better at it, even by Faulkner standards. I hate jobs and they hate me. I also don’t care for golf.)

cock2To their credit, Cock.li is very inclusive. They have not only video games (OMG WHAT COULD THOSE BE?) and “quality discussion,” but also “fags.” Definite LGBT win right there.

I despise racism and sexism. OBVIOUSLY no sane person thinks racial hate, misogyny, and sexual abuse is anything but stomach-turning. Right now I feel like I’m the New Balance shoe company right now, with white supremacists saying it’s the shoe of choice for them, and the company fiercely rejecting the Nazis’ “endorsement.” Of course, NB is a business and thus welcomes all customers interested in their company’s products, but even if they got 100 percent of the white supremacist market due to this and their profits skyrocketed, they would still be sickened and fight unrelentingly against those bigots and hateful organizations claiming their brand as “the official shoe of Neo-Nazis.” I wear New Balance shoes, and I am neither a neo-Nazi nor a white supremacist of any kind, I assure you.

Oh, 2016, you tricky devil! You have brought little but misery to everyone I know, and now I’m getting fan mail from people who love rape and lynching, to help me ring in the holiday season! Thanks, worst year ever!

I reject you, user at “nigge.rs.” Buy my books if you like, and I hope you enjoy them, certainly, but leave this author the fuck out of it.

 

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BIG TIME ALERT: My first outgoing blurbage!

Hey, guys, getting ready to go on Con Trip II: This Time, It’s Not on a Fucking Bus! 

But first, I’m kind of excited because, even though Medicaid pays for my medicine and “scraping by” refers to those times when we pay the whole electric bill at once, I was asked for a blurb! And I did it and now it’s on the book and no one can take it away!

Check it. It’s for my friend Jim Smiley’s upcoming horror novel, Girl’s Night In, which stands all of the tropes of horror fiction on its head:

Blurb from Sean Hoade

Next time: OMG CONS!!!

Failing, yes, but failing UPWARD!

O Gentle Reader, your faithful correspondent thought it would all go so well. Taking the Greyhound Bus (now with alleged Wi-Fi and power outlets!) across the country from Las Vegas to Providence, Rhode Island over 3 full days would be an honest homage to H.P. Lovecraft, who traveled by bus back in the day before regular commercial flight (and, apparently, quixotic attempts to write a novel draft on two cross-country bus trips).

Yes, folks, “riding the dog” across our fair land was a FAIL creatively and even makingsensely. Even when the Wi-Fi appeared AND the plugs were working (“A fuse musta blown,” several drivers in a row said, and also said that only mechanics at a major stop could flip the breaker back into the “Keep bored passengers from forcing the bus off a goddamn cliff” position), did you know that a bus is an incredibly distracting environment to work in? This is why you rarely read historical reports of Vincent van Gogh or Hieronymus Bosch doing their best work at 70 mph seated next to a sweaty farmboy.

hieronymus-bosch-das-weltgericht-191083For example, Bosch originally intended this to be a still-life of a bowl of fruit.

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Cthulhu Attacks! gets a bloody thumbs-up from The Horror Fiction Review!

The unimpeachable taste of Christine Morgan strikes once again with her Horror Fiction Review take on Cthulhu Attacks! (I just want to say that the typos she mentions were definitely in the Advance Reading Copy she had, but are fixed now in the finished book.) Have a look and then buy a copy, or maybe two—the holidays are fast approaching!

CTHULHU ATTACKS! by Sean Hoade (2015 Severed Press / 220 pp / trade paperback & eBook)

Dear Hollywood: THIS is the Lovecraftian movie you need to make, the surefire big-budget blockbuster special effects extravaganza. This book, right here. It’s perfect. Gets around the various issues of directly adapting one of ol’ H.P.’s works, while acknowledging them in glorious triumphant homage. Plus, geek-cred galore.

And seriously, the scene describing Cthulhu’s emergence … best I’ve ever read. So beautifully done. Short, sweet, simple, evocative, and haunting.

A lot of giant monster or cosmic horror fiction struggles to express the sheer sheer size and scale and scope. Sean Hoade nails it, not only nails it but takes it several steps beyond. Reading this book is to shiver from an overwhelming sense of immensity, of alienness, of strange inhumanity so far outside our comprehension as to bend the mind. I think Lovecraft himself would be impressed with just how well that’s all conveyed.

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That Moment When You Feel Legit

Hey there, guys and dolls! Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately, but I’m getting TWO — no, wait, THREE — book projects ready, so I haven’t had time to blog. I put a lot into writing these, OKAY?

Anyway:

  1. Cthulhu Attacks! Book 1: The Fear is coming along very nicely for Severed Press and should be ready to turn into them in the next few weeks.
  2. Zombie School Confidential, my nonfiction book on zombie lore and our cultural obsession with them, has a brilliant cover by Putnam Finch and brilliant editing by one Mrs. Ann Hoade. (Who is a professional editor, so 😛 on you.)
  3. My novel The Act needs only to be polished and this project, originally written 22 years ago, will be ready to go to press.

All of that is well and good, BUT what this blog entry is really about is this: I have gotten my own “Special Guest” graphic on the Salt Lake Comic Con website!

sean at slcc copy

What with my sponsorship from my wonderful Patreon supporters; running two writing workshops, which are going great; and my association with Matt Wiseman and Shoggoth.net, I’m feeling almost partially legit these days!

Still living hand-to-mouth, but legit!

The cover for my serial novel is COCKALICIOUS!

For those of you involved in my Patreon campaign (Patreon.com/SeanHoade) know that the next book coming to you is my serialized novel, Cal Longwood: Porn Star Detective. The first chapter is titled “Eleven Inches From Heaven,” and is essentially the “origin story” for my massively endowed noir sleuth.

Although I have had 5 books out now, I did the cover design for all of them myself. I had a wonderful artist draw the cover for my short-story collection Inappropriate Behavior according to my specifications, but other than that, it’s been all me and Photoshop.

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Zombies DON’T just wanna have fun, Part Two: No more Mr. Nice Anyone Ever Again

Caution: This post is about the realities of what a zombie apocalypse would entail, and how someone like me represents those realities in his fiction. This subject was inspired by a negative review of Reviva Las Vegas!, but it is only tangentially related to that review. 

Read Part One

Both of my blog followers may recall that yesterday I came to the conclusion that a bad review—as well as some mitigating comments in some good reviews—of my new novel, Reviva Las Vegas!, may have been caused by the extremely dark view of mankind (not to mention zombiekind) in the face of a true zombie apocalypse.

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