Dialogue! Three-Act Structure! And YOU!

Chicks and chickens, Yours Truly will be giving two—count ’em, two seminars TODAY on effective fiction writing today, cornerstone information for anyone who wants to write, is writing, or even has written a novel or novels! Check it, yo:

Green Valley Library on Green Valley & Sunset Road
Saturday, November 19

3:00–4:15 p.m.
The Big Picture: Mastering the Three-Act Structure

IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED BY

4:30–5:00 p.m.
Writing Dialogue to Make Your Characters Unforgettable

Free? Oh my, yes. Essential? Even more of yes. Fun? ALL OF THE YES.

Hope to see you there!
Sean

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How to get Cthulhu Attacks 2 WAY before anyone else!

Read Part 1

Yes, friends, it is now the moment of truth. All 25 of you, after losing sleep last night, chewing your fingernails down to the nub, becoming irritable at family members and even more irritable about the existence of Twilight: the reward hath come.

I’m going to tell you how to be in the very special (not like that) and exclusive (like that) group that will read Cthulhu Attacks! Book 2: The Faith at least 6 months before anyone else. As I mentioned yesterday, it shall be released as a serial, a chapter at a time, to make me get the goddamn thing out of my head and onto the page.

“Yes, yes,” you say, understandably impatient. “Get to how do we read it already.” (See, I knew you were feeling irritable.)

First, allow me to tell you about the life of a full-time, barely known novelist.

exasperated1“OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

I go to a good number of Comic Cons during the year, 10 to 12 or so, and these provide most of my writerly income. I have a metric shit-ton of books, so selling these books is easier to make money at than would would, say, selling just two books.

Continue reading

A time and a place for everything, even OMG IMPORTANT STUFF FROM ME

(Note: Below is an announcement stating I will have an announcement on Monday. Think of it as the pregame show for the championship of a sport that no one follows.)

My dear readers, whom I love and appreciate like whoa, I had a big announcement about Cthulhu Attacks! Book 2: The Faith to share this week, but it was, let’s say, trumped by a bigger event, one that has nobody feeling like reading a goddamned blog that isn’t about one of the following:

  • Who’s hiring in Canada? Or New Zealand? Or “Who has Facebook friends in Belgium?”
  • Reports of widespread awfulness
  • The Weimar Republic and how well that turned out

toothbrush-moustachesNot to mention that horrible orange comb-overs will be ruined for everyone from now on.

And this makes sense. As a small- (and micro-) press author, I have to always keep myself on task. That may be writing (of course), setting up sales and networking opportunities at Comic Cons and other (not always pop) cultural gatherings, author “events” (don’t get me started), and just plain begging on the Internet. But this week, Je suis not in the fucking mood.

So, instead of making my announcement that will literally leave you in shrugs today, I’m waiting until Monday. Because, really, other than myself, who really gives a shit this week? Most everyone I know feels like they drank a bottle of tequila and spent the night in a running concrete mixer.

This week is lost. OMG shitty Comic Con this last weekend, then the election, and then the universe killed Leonard Cohen. A horrid week, and nobody, even myself, wants to have plans or read about other people’s plans or do anything because holy fuck. Nobody is hanging on tenterhooks for an author’s “big news,” not even the author.

tenterhooksIn this etching depicting life in 2019 America are “tenterhooks.” Note how no one is waiting on them.

Don’t get me wrong: My fans—and shut up, yes, I do have fans—are interested in what’s going on at Hoade World International Headquarters, aka the “dining area” in our apartment. And I am very grateful to them for their friendship and good taste. But, as the title of this blog post says, there is a time and a place for everything. Now is not the time.

But Monday will be. On Monday I shall share the big news of Cthulhu Attacks! Book 2: The Faith!

tenterhooks2

See? I told you. Nobody waitin’ on nuthin’ this week. (Except maybe passports.)

Back to the World’s Greatest Blog in the World!

Prehistoric Beasts eBook on sale for 99¢—today only!

My new book (written as “Hugo Navikov,” my publisher’s nom de pulp), Prehistoric Beasts and Where to Fight Them, is on sale for Kindle through the end of today, November 2!

“Just 99 cents?” you ask, incredulous but hopeful.

“Verily!” I answer, as if I were trying to win a bet not to use the word yes. “But hasten, yon knave, for this Kindle sale will last only until the sun sets.”

“In the west?”

“Um … yes, my rhetorical construct. In the west.”

“A question for you, real fast.”

“Proceed,” I say, ingesting tea infused with a packet of Schmeckel’s Patented Headache Powder. 

“How big of a bargain is Prehistoric Beasts and Where to Fight Them, anyway? I mean, it’s 97,000 words of pure pulp pleasure.”

“I somehow knew you were going to ask that incredibly not-stiff and totally spontaneous question. Indeed, for the nominal price of 99 cents—not to mention that it’s FREE to read with Kindle Unlimited—you get every tasty bite of the engrossing and filling literary meal of Prehistoric Beasts.”

I continued, “Break it down, yo: that’s 0.00001 cents per word. That’s one hundred-thousandth of a cent. A great deal for readers, and the word of mouth is going to be good indeed; hence the super sale price.”

“Wow! Ima get mine right now!

Ima? “Gah, please don’t say that.”

“Sorry,” you say. “I mean, Ima get mine very soon!

Sigh.

But get thee to Amazon for the eBook! You can also read the first 10% at KillGigadon.com before you buy, if you are equally huge parts skeptical and thrifty.

Also, the paperback is available signed and inscribed from me!

 

Back to The World’s Greatest Blog in the World!

Cthulhu Attacks! gets a bloody thumbs-up from The Horror Fiction Review!

The unimpeachable taste of Christine Morgan strikes once again with her Horror Fiction Review take on Cthulhu Attacks! (I just want to say that the typos she mentions were definitely in the Advance Reading Copy she had, but are fixed now in the finished book.) Have a look and then buy a copy, or maybe two—the holidays are fast approaching!

CTHULHU ATTACKS! by Sean Hoade (2015 Severed Press / 220 pp / trade paperback & eBook)

Dear Hollywood: THIS is the Lovecraftian movie you need to make, the surefire big-budget blockbuster special effects extravaganza. This book, right here. It’s perfect. Gets around the various issues of directly adapting one of ol’ H.P.’s works, while acknowledging them in glorious triumphant homage. Plus, geek-cred galore.

And seriously, the scene describing Cthulhu’s emergence … best I’ve ever read. So beautifully done. Short, sweet, simple, evocative, and haunting.

A lot of giant monster or cosmic horror fiction struggles to express the sheer sheer size and scale and scope. Sean Hoade nails it, not only nails it but takes it several steps beyond. Reading this book is to shiver from an overwhelming sense of immensity, of alienness, of strange inhumanity so far outside our comprehension as to bend the mind. I think Lovecraft himself would be impressed with just how well that’s all conveyed.

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Did you know that Autographed novels make excellent Christmas gifts?

Get-Cape-Wear-Cape-Fly

The cape in this metaphor is my books. “Fly” stands for “achieve full self-actualization.”
Also, you will have more sex.

BLACK FRIDAY OR WHATEVER SALE!!!

Any of my fantastic books below are just 1 for $15 and 2 for $25,
inscribed to the person of your choice!

Also, if you buy 2 you get all 5 in eBook format!

SO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!

Won’t you help keep me, Sean the Nice Guy, from having a blue Christmas? All proceeds go to the “Bring Sean’s Middle Daughter To Vegas Because He Hasn’t Seen Her In Two Years” fund, a worthy cause! Also, the books are fucking AWESOME.

revivacover Windsor Castle Fire in 1992 atanewfront

Zombies in Vegas!

Lovecraft at Downton! Wickedness
in Winnebagos!

Eight years after the Zombie Apocalypse, a vagabond former poker champion gets a chance to compete in a tournament to stay in Vegas, the last zom-free city in America. If he wins, he’s safe. But if he loses …

Read the first chapter here.

Funny and scary, this book doesn’t require that you know anything about the BBC show Downton Abbey. Just think vampires, werewolves, and eldritch Old Ones invading an Edwardian English manor house.

Read the first chapter here.

In the tradition of Elmore Leonard and Carl Hiaasen, this is the story of an embezzling RV salesman running off with his girlfriend after rubbing out his wife. A thriller for the cynical, the bitter, and the doomed.

Read the first chapter here.

Buy Signed
Reviva Las Vegas!
(3 remaining)

Buy Signed
Deadtown Abbey

(3 remaining)

Buy Signed
Ain’t That America

(3 remaining)

DDcover IBcover books for xmas
Literary-Historical Fantasy! Stupefying Stories! Easy to buy!
Easy to read! 

Charles Darwin and Captain Robert Fitzroy of the Beagle were lifelong friends and rivals, ultimately evolving into enemies.

Read the first chapter here.

My notorious 2011 book of short stories. Hooker vs. retard, Man in love with giant cyst, Jesus visits, and lots more!

Read the first story,
“Tough Love,” here.

These books, oh, the joy they shall bring you. Just let me know how would like it inscribed and it will be rushed—rushed, I tell you—to your or your beloved’s door.

Buy Signed
Darwin’s Dreams

(3 remaining)

Buy Signed
Inappropriate Behavior

(3 remaining)

These are the last of these editions—publishers have snapped them up and will end this here stock!