How to get Cthulhu Attacks 2 WAY before anyone else!

Read Part 1

Yes, friends, it is now the moment of truth. All 25 of you, after losing sleep last night, chewing your fingernails down to the nub, becoming irritable at family members and even more irritable about the existence of Twilight: the reward hath come.

I’m going to tell you how to be in the very special (not like that) and exclusive (like that) group that will read Cthulhu Attacks! Book 2: The Faith at least 6 months before anyone else. As I mentioned yesterday, it shall be released as a serial, a chapter at a time, to make me get the goddamn thing out of my head and onto the page.

“Yes, yes,” you say, understandably impatient. “Get to how do we read it already.” (See, I knew you were feeling irritable.)

First, allow me to tell you about the life of a full-time, barely known novelist.

exasperated1“OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

I go to a good number of Comic Cons during the year, 10 to 12 or so, and these provide most of my writerly income. I have a metric shit-ton of books, so selling these books is easier to make money at than would would, say, selling just two books.

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Cthulhu Attacks! Book 2: The Faith is coming soon … for some of you.

Read Part 2

Oh, dear readers and friends, the sour shame! The horripilating humiliation! I have set and then been forced to change the release date of the second book in the Cthulhu Attacks! trilogy, The Faith, again and again and again. There are a couple of reasons why its release has been pushed back like a cat when you try to kiss it.

One is that the first Cthulhu Attacks! book, The Fear, was so well received and sold so well that I have long had anxiety about falling victim to “the sophomore slump.” Think Alanis Morissette’s followup to Jagged Little Pill. Think the first sequel to The Matrix. (DO NOT think of the second sequel at all, ever.)

main-qimg-83e54ca3d84d8d049ee4e0937934c664Damn it, readers. That order was for your protection!

Think of the second season of Heroes. For God’s sake, think of Cuba Gooding, Jr.’s career after he won the Oscar. Seriously, Radio? Fucking Boat Trip? What I’m saying is that sophomore slump is a real thing, even a paralyzing thing, for creative people who have tasted even the barely-rent-paying success of Cthulhu Attacks! Book 1.

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A time and a place for everything, even OMG IMPORTANT STUFF FROM ME

(Note: Below is an announcement stating I will have an announcement on Monday. Think of it as the pregame show for the championship of a sport that no one follows.)

My dear readers, whom I love and appreciate like whoa, I had a big announcement about Cthulhu Attacks! Book 2: The Faith to share this week, but it was, let’s say, trumped by a bigger event, one that has nobody feeling like reading a goddamned blog that isn’t about one of the following:

  • Who’s hiring in Canada? Or New Zealand? Or “Who has Facebook friends in Belgium?”
  • Reports of widespread awfulness
  • The Weimar Republic and how well that turned out

toothbrush-moustachesNot to mention that horrible orange comb-overs will be ruined for everyone from now on.

And this makes sense. As a small- (and micro-) press author, I have to always keep myself on task. That may be writing (of course), setting up sales and networking opportunities at Comic Cons and other (not always pop) cultural gatherings, author “events” (don’t get me started), and just plain begging on the Internet. But this week, Je suis not in the fucking mood.

So, instead of making my announcement that will literally leave you in shrugs today, I’m waiting until Monday. Because, really, other than myself, who really gives a shit this week? Most everyone I know feels like they drank a bottle of tequila and spent the night in a running concrete mixer.

This week is lost. OMG shitty Comic Con this last weekend, then the election, and then the universe killed Leonard Cohen. A horrid week, and nobody, even myself, wants to have plans or read about other people’s plans or do anything because holy fuck. Nobody is hanging on tenterhooks for an author’s “big news,” not even the author.

tenterhooksIn this etching depicting life in 2019 America are “tenterhooks.” Note how no one is waiting on them.

Don’t get me wrong: My fans—and shut up, yes, I do have fans—are interested in what’s going on at Hoade World International Headquarters, aka the “dining area” in our apartment. And I am very grateful to them for their friendship and good taste. But, as the title of this blog post says, there is a time and a place for everything. Now is not the time.

But Monday will be. On Monday I shall share the big news of Cthulhu Attacks! Book 2: The Faith!

tenterhooks2

See? I told you. Nobody waitin’ on nuthin’ this week. (Except maybe passports.)

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