by Sean Hoade
You’ve seen it happen in movies from Euro Trip to Snakes on a Plane. Two hot-for-each-other passengers join (or attempt to join before being bitten by poisonous snakes) the infamous “Mile High Club.” (It was also featured in the movie Mile High Club, as you might expect.) So, what is this Mile High Club and how does one become a member?
Let’s say you meet a travel partner on a site like MissTravel.com. You hadn’t met before, but once you do, sparks fly immediately and the next 12 hours of this intercontinental flight is going to pass like molasses unless you both can work out a suitably carnal solution.
Hmmm, that lavatory says “Unoccupied/Desocupada.” Two people could fit in there, couldn’t they? Like, if they were really determined to do the deed? One goes first, then the other waits a few minutes so as not to arouse any suspicion, and then BOOM! A cramped yet probably very satisfying bit of in-flight coitus takes place. The couple returns to their assigned seats, now knowing each other a lot better.
Lovin’s in the air
This cramped couple just became members of The Mile High Club.
That’s right, knockin’ boots at cruising altitude (when passengers may move freely about the cabin) is the only requirement for admittance into the Club. It’s on the honor system, so that pal of yours at the Gas ‘n’ Sip might be full of it, but some wealthy men who use private jets to fly their lovely new partners around the country and the world? You’d better get busy printing out those membership cards, because five will get you ten that two new Mile High-ers have just flown the friendly-with-benefits skies.
Before you join those bumping uglies way up in the sky, however, you might want to know the answers to a few questions:
Is it legal to boink at 30,000 feet?
Indeed, it is. As long as no one witnesses the act as it’s happening, you’re cool. (Even if you’re busted, as long as you come out when asked and behave from then on, you probably won’t even get tased.) Flight attendants frown upon it, but you can use the old “ask the guy next to you to call over the stewardess” bit while you slink away to bliss in the bathroom with your already waiting partner. A word of warning, however: Don’t try this on Emirates or Singapore Airlines or any other carrier from a country that canes people for crimes against public morality. Keep your surreptitious shtupping to domestic flights and more-lenient foreign airlines.
Is it as cool as it sounds to bang on board?
From what Yours Truly has heard, yes—it is amazingly cool. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s particularly comfortable or results in particularly satisfying sex. Unless you’re grinding gears on a Learjet leather seat, you’ll be in the lavatory on an airline plane, which means cramped and overly warm conditions, to say the least. And don’t get me started on the potential germs. But it’s really more about the experience and the bragging rights than the actual genitapalooza. So you hit your head and she accidentally flushed the toilet four times? You did it for the story!
Icarus should have been so lucky
Both the legend and the reality of The Mile High Club are alive and well. Whether you and your partner are actually able to get down while going up is immaterial—you can always lie about it. It might make you feel a little dirty, but isn’t that why you wanted to join the Club in the first place?