The most effusive praise of straight-up whoring yourself for money you’ll ever read


Image result for woman in pile of money

“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” — Woody Allen

Dating someone with a lot of money may sound like an ideal situation for someone who likes the finer things in life. That’s because it is. If you’ve ever dated a poor person—maybe an artist or even a blog writer—you know how completely not worth it the whole experience is, even if you get a few funny/sad stories out of it.

No, spending romantic time with a rich partner is where it’s at. Here are 4 reasons why one should be quite thankful to be “dating up.”

cmimg_72554“God bless us, every one who has money!” — Tiny Tim, opportunist social climber

1. Cars

Even if you’re not poor poor but instead on an average salary with average bills and debt, your car is probably serviceable at best. A 2006 Toyota is nothing to be ashamed of, and a 2014 Smart Car shows that you care about the environment enough to make accommodations for it in your lifestyle decisions.

When you’re dating someone with money, however, the car in which you ride isn’t only about getting from Point A to Point B. Like many things in the lives of the wealthy (and their companions), it’s about luxury on the inside and about inspiration on the outside. A creamy real-wood old-school dashboard housing the very latest in automotive technology creates a pleasing dissonance in which the rich can delight.

Of course, wending a top-end Jaguar XJ Ultimate, classic Rolls Royce Phantom, or customized Hennessey Venom GT through a sea of lesser vehicles means that your luxury transportation gives all those other drivers something to aspire to. Yes, some guy might be driving his girl around in a 2005 Hyundai, but when they see you and your significantly wealthy other in this kind of automobile, your attitude of gratitude and thankfulness will inspire each dream of driving a Bentley or a Ferrari, too. Or at least being driven around in one.

celebrity_vehicles_wrecked_exotic_richard_hammond_top_gear“You’re welcome, plebes!”

2. Food

Fashionistas and actresses, as well as some high-society divas, need to stay abnormally skinny and so may have to settle for smoking a cigarette or licking a stamp as their “lunch.” But for the relatively normal rich folk (and those who date them), the world is your oyster, Rockefeller.


Oysters aren’t the only delicacy available to you when you’re out on the town with a wealthy companion. You can have regular old luxury dining like kobe beef steaks, sushi prepared by the world’s top Japanese chefs, and the freshest seafood even in places like Las Vegas not known for their large bodies of water.

Depending on the mood of both you and your rich pal, there are very exclusive eateries catering to the tip-top of the 1 percent. Here you can choose steaks from lions or giraffes, try edible orchids, and dig in to some endangered species with entrees like grilled panda claw, bald eagle fritters, and baby seal fillet with au jus made from Sarah McLachlan’s tears. (Okay, not really, but most high-end restaurants will bend over backwards to find exotic, unique, and very expensive meals for their best customers.)

That’s something to be thankful for every time your tummy grumbles.

3. Hotels

Sure, the well-to-do usually have spacious homes, even mansions, and/or condos in a big city’s most exclusive high-rises. But what if you are not the spouse, but rather someone who’s kept comfortable and dated by the wealthy man or woman? That usually would mean that “home” is a no-go zone.

But, as with most everything in the life of someone dating at the diamond level, there is an even more alluring alternative to the normal, even stultifying, atmosphere of a family home: the très chichotel. With every kind of service available to the well-heeled and their companions, you might find yourself getting light-headed with thankfulness for all that luxury.

Dressed-Well-Man-002For example, this is just the bellhop.

4. Less Stress

So far we’ve discussed only material goods and the thankfulness one should have for how they make us feel. But an important—actually, a central—benefit of dating someone with money (and who knows how to spend it) is peace of mind. Stress over bills got you down? A wealthy paramour can knock that worry right out of your life. Stress over marriage or have-a-baby pressure? Not with millionaires, who may already have their domestic dance cards quite full, thank you.

Dating up provides a unique respite from “the real world.” Special times with a wealthy friend or romantic partner make for a fantasy experience like no other, and that’s worth all the gratitude in the world.

Don’t worry, be wealthy

Although it may not be you who has the cash in the bank and the platinum credit cards with your name on them, dating a rich beau lets you live as if you are. Romance and spending quality time together are vital for any dating couple, but when one of you is wealthy and you both know how to appreciate the finer things in life, everything is just that much better, isn’t it?

Image result for gold toiletLike, everything.

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