Sexy Sex, The Facebook Way®!

sex-dolls-review

Dorothy realized she wasn’t in Kansas anymore. More like “Idaho.” #omgcomicgold

DO NOT READ THIS IS YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED. OR GO AHEAD AND READ IT AND BE OFFENDED, YOU SICK BASTARDS.

Below is a frank (i.e., “nasty”) presentation of what happens when a man and a woman (or MM, FF, LGBTQAI) love fuck each other very, very much, etc.

Facebook also offers, as part of their “sexy Facebook” line of emojis:

😉 Flirting
😉 Kissing
🤗 Hugging
😮 Asked back to his/her place and/or car and/or alley
😚 Necking (See “Days, Happy.”)
😮 Presentation of boobs
😬 Presentation of “moobs”
😛 Cunnilingus
😜 Cunnilingus with squirting
🤐 Cunnilingus with queefing
😏 Discovery of the penis (in pants)
😨 Discovery of the penis (under skirt)
😮 Fellatio
🤢 Fellatio with farting
[There is no emoji for “male being kicked out of the room/car/alley,” but if there were, it would go here.]
🙃 69ing
👊 Fisting
😋 Beginning of intercourse
🤠 Cowgirl
(🤠 x -1) Reverse cowgirl
🐶 From behind
🐴 In Tijuana
🐑 In Scotland
🐙 In R’lyeh
💩 “”Diggin’ for night soil”
“Diggin’ for night soil” attempt DENIED
😆 Uh-oh, he’s getting close
😵 So is she
😫 OMG ALMOST THERE
😧 She’s like, “Don’t fuck this up! I NEED this!”
😰 OMG OMG OMG its—I—you—hurry—
💥 SHE GETS THERE!
🕜 .000000025 seconds later HE GETS THERE! 🎺
😴 He’s done.
📺 She wasn’t quite done, but whatever, it’s fine.

You’re welcome, friends!
Sean “Perv-O-Matic” Hoade

Advertisements

I am not a handsome man, Jennay

Salt Lake Fanx has asked me for a headshot they can use to put me on banners and such. So I had to give them a picture in which there was no interfering background. After about 7 hours of Photoshop 7 (2002, REPRESENT), I got an adequate-ish result!

sean-hoade-headshot-for-sl-fanx

Yes, the hat has lumps from my monkey-like graphic design skills.

It looks a bit choppy, I know, but watch as I magic your ass off:

headshot-silliness-1-copy

headshot-silliness-3-copy

headshot-silliness-2-copy

Ah, hell. The Salt Lake folks will make it perfect in post, anyway.

Back to the World’s Greatest Blog in the World!