Give the gift of AWESOME this year!

Deciding what Christmas gift to get for that loved one who “has everything” or “never likes what they get” or “is a complete pain in the ass and $15 is worth it to me to shut them up” can be a problem. Who has the time for all that hassle?

[Insert “informercial”-style clip of person trying to unwrap a gift and getting entangled in the ribbon and choking to death]

man_fire.jpg“Goddamn double-sided tape!”

But now there’s ZOMG ALL THE BOOKS by me! They make excellent gifts for anyone aged “zygote” to “died in 1947,” although 12 to “still alive” is technically the target demographic.

These books are all available for purchase at SeanHoade.com (signed and inscribed) and at Amazon.com (where they have the eBooks as well, but not signed or inscribed). Let us take a walk down Hoadebook Lane, shall we? (Click on the cover or text to read a big free sample and also order the book!)

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For half a billion years, Cthulhu has lain trapped in R’lyeh, dead but dreaming. But now the stars are right, and the Old One is rising.

Instant death for hundreds of millions, insanity for many more. And he hasn’t even gotten out of the water yet.

World governments and a desperate and frightened populace scramble to understand, survive, and ultimately fight back against an enemy so powerful his presence could kill every human on Earth without him even noticing we are here.

Buckle up for apocalyptic suspense as you witness what happens when CTHULHU ATTACKS!

 

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All the facts.

All the lore.

All the terrible truth about ZOMBIES.

Here you’ll discover how the zombie mythos arose. Everything you need to know about the most terrifying fictional and actual zombie viruses is within these pages. And causes? Probes from Venus, accidents in government labs, evolution run amok–it’s all here, and it’s all horrifying. “Professor Zombie,” Sean Hoade, taught the groundbreaking first for-credit college class on Zombies, and it’s all distilled in this one book! Enroll now. Your real education is about to begin.

 

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One poker player.

One million zombies.

Not the best of odds.

Eight years after the Zombocalypse, former poker pro Chris Newman is just trying to make it through the day with his wits and his skills on the felt.

But now somebody powerful wants a game with Chris, and the stakes couldn’t be higher: If he wins, he gets to stay within the gates of Dos Vegas, the last zombie-free city in America, maybe in the world.

But if he loses …

 

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DOWNTON ABBEY MEETS LOVECRAFT MEETS NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

 It is a world few of us have ever known.

 A world of masters and servants, where everyone knows one’s place. 

A world of newfangled technology like telephones and motorcars. 

A world of vampires, werewolves, zombies, and monsters of the deep.

At the center of his necropolis estate lives the Earl of Monroe, who must hold the family he loves and the servants he trusts together against the eldritch onslaught of this rapidly changing world.

 

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In 1831, when Charles Darwin joins Robert FitzRoy’s HMS Beagle for a five-year voyage, the budding naturalist is a 22-year-old unknown, while the Captain is at 26 one of the brightest stars of the Royal Navy, a descendant of Charles II. By 1865, Darwin is world famous, and FitzRoy is a bitter footnote of history, known now mostly for his role in aiding Darwin’s earth-shaking observations.

This is the story of these two men as their faith, ideas, and reputations clash, meld, and fight for supremacy. Told through their decades-long friendship and rivalry, each step in their journey is interlaced with powerful visions Darwin dreams of the many ways life might evolve, as well as with his nightmares just before waking, in the antemeridian of early morning.

With Darwin’s Dreams, author Sean Hoade explores the poetry of science; the nonlinear dance of imagination; and the cruelty that life can bring to even the noblest of men.

 

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It was supposed to be so simple.

Gordon Mitchell had the good life all planned out—a million and a half in embezzled cash, a plane waiting in Mexico to take him far away, and a sexy little thing named Janey to call his own. All he had to do was stop off on the way and kill his wife, Wanda.

Simple.

At least it was before an Ivy Leaguer-turned-highway robber named Spike Jones held him up, fell in love with Wanda, and shanghaied his RV.

Now it’s not so simple.

But the way Gordon sees it, the good life is still within his reach. And a little more blood on his hands sure isn’t going to stop him from getting it.

 

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In his first collection of short stories, Sean Hoade takes readers places they might not want to go, but which they’ll love once they get there.

Including:

Plus: Jesus, robots, hand harmonicas, porn stars in the Midwest, reality TV, and much more ill-advised literary adventure!

 

But wait, there’s more!

This t-shirt design was conceived by me and executed excellently by supreme artiste Putnam Finch, for sale on CafePress.com. Star Wars cuteness! All royalties go to my friend’s personal fight against cancer.

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Life is good. Make it gooder with swag from SeanHoade.com!

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