The cover for my serial novel is COCKALICIOUS!

For those of you involved in my Patreon campaign (Patreon.com/SeanHoade) know that the next book coming to you is my serialized novel, Cal Longwood: Porn Star Detective. The first chapter is titled “Eleven Inches From Heaven,” and is essentially the “origin story” for my massively endowed noir sleuth.

Although I have had 5 books out now, I did the cover design for all of them myself. I had a wonderful artist draw the cover for my short-story collection Inappropriate Behavior according to my specifications, but other than that, it’s been all me and Photoshop.

However, since the notorious Jordan Krall and his press, Dynatox Ministries, will be putting out Cal Longwood in a series of chapbooks, he has his best people working on bringing this to fruition. Chief among them is David Anderson, cover artist extraordinaire. I had some suggestions for the cover, since we wanted it to have kind of noir look, and David came up with this very nice but not quite there cover:

old cal cover

Don’t get me wrong; it’s extremely cool. But I felt that it was too dark for what is essentially a very light-hearted and funny novel. I also shared with him my thought that although I did totally say that the title was The Adventures of Cal Longwood, Porn Star Detective, I could see now that the “The Adventures of” part was squeezing out something much more important: the “Porn Star Detective” thing. Also, I thought there should be something phallic, like maybe the lamppost could be more … well, penis-like.

Never having worked with a visual artist before on something of my own (as opposed to weird “sugar daddy” dating sites and ad agencies promoting insulation accounts and I am not even kidding), I was concerned that David would respond to my whining with:

  1. Go fuck yourself.

Yeah, that’s the whole list. But no—David is a complete professional and said, essentially, “Okay, lemme work on it a little more.” And when, several hours later, he sent this to me (and to Jordan, who loved it as well), I couldn’t believe the mastery of what he had done. Check it:

11011722_10204201313980947_6618455267643071797_nNotice how much lighter it feels, seeing Cal in the trench coat and fedora, but in a way that makes him look like a handsome detective, not like Rorschach from Watchmen. Also notice that he has “Cal Longwood: Porn Star Detective” as well as my byline in that cool “Hollywood sign” style. (It had this before, but because it was so dark, it didn’t seem playful like it does here.)

Oh, and he’s also holding a gigantic penis with one hand and his gun with the other. The thing is, there’s no mistaking the big giant wang for anything but a big giant wang. BUT the phallus in question passes the “Is it too much?” test in several different ways:

  1. It is stylized, more of a silhouette than anything else.
  2. The shaft and head are weirdly proportioned, offering a visual balance (absofuckinglutely brilliantly) to the similar-looking lamppost. And
  3. If you look closely, you’ll see that it’s coming out of his left coat pocket, an unlikely place for an actual penis to be lurking.

All of that said, 10 people out of 10 are going to see PENIS. Which is just what I wanted and just what David delivered in a way I would never have thought of.

The first chapter, “Eleven Inches From Heaven,” will be released shortly. As I said, my Patreon supporters will be receiving every chapter of this as a reward for just one month’s donation of $25. Otherwise these will be issued in a VERY limited edition, as is standard for Dynatox. Once they’re sold out, the price jumps because it instantly becomes collectible. Isn’t it financially safer just to support my Patreon campaign, which gives you 12—count ’em, that’s TWELVE—books, one per month, for 12 monthly donations of just $25?

There’s too much to say about the rewards of support right here, so please watch this video, go to the site, and help me finish the last 6 books in this epic writing adventure, won’t you? VIVA LA DYNATOX!

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