Publicity Part 3! Business cards and bookmarks! Even “hope”!

Sometimes the best-planned lays of mice and … wait, I think I messed that up …

Anyway, as Aristotle said, “Greek words.” And that has never been truer than it is today. In my next blog entry, I shall tell the tale of how I was all set for my worldwide international multi-country “publicity without borders” interview on popular live podcast Zombiepalooza Radio with Jackie Chin about my juuuuuust-released novel, Reviva Las Vegas! when, to quote President John Adams, “shit got all like fucked-up and shit.”


“I’m on a gold muthafukkin coin. Yo’ ass on a gold coin, bitch? Yeah, di-int think so.”

“Wait,” you’re thinking, or maybe not, “didn’t that zombie poker book come out last year?” Well, yes and no. Mostly no. The thing is, I wrote it under the auspices of the birdcage liner that was my Permuted Press contract and so I had self-pubbed a dashed-together advance reader’s copy so that I could make a quick buck generate some buzz for when RLV actually came out this year.

Well, the Permuted thing died but I still had this fantastic novel (pardon my modesty) and so I have self-pubbed it with a real cover and carefully designed, um, design. I also gave Deadtown Abbey, my Lovecraftian take on the manor house life, a much cleaner design, the original cover being so busy I couldn’t get an appointment with it until July.

bad joke husky
Anyway, I gave it a no-less-crazy but much less eye-torturing cover and made a few corrections (it was called the Titanic, not the Big Smokestack Boat—what am I, a historian? *) and BAM, I gots two new books hitting the market.

Did you see there, where I said “the market”? Yeah, that’s the rub. I know a lot of other writers and I have wonderful and book-hungry friends, but selling a book only to people you know is called, in international business parlance, “fucking pathetic.”

I do exaggerate a bit, since I’ve sold many copies at different Comic Cons and such and also through word of mouth, but never through much organized publicity. A couple of hundred copies makes me happy, but Fifty Shades it is not. (In many ways.) This whole new release thing and the attendant actual publicity effort has been made possible by the good folks at [WORKPLACE NAME REDACTED], who released something of their own: Me, from their employment. It was a complete, and horrible, surprise.


Although, come to think of it, my last performance review wasn’t totally positive.

It has not been easy financially, to say the least. (I couldn’t afford roller derby tickets, for God’s sake.) But the Spousal Unit, Ann, showed me that actually, with unemployment and cheap Obamacare insurance AND THE GODDAMNED CHILD SUPPORT BEING DONE (ahem, excuse me), I’ll actually be taking home only slightly less than I was from my 40+ hours of outside work each week.

This was freeing, to say the least, and so, since that dark day (March 31), I have been working feverishly to get the new editions ready for the Portland CthulhuCon this coming weekend (I’ll sell only a few, but I will sell them among my fantastic Lovecraftian brethren and sisthren). They are ready, they are shipped to Portland, and I am also bringing my incredibly wonderful bookmarks for the swag bags of everyone I can reach.

This is a rather low level of “publicity,” but you have to start somewhere, so after a small seed loan from acolyte and long-haired hippie Calvin Ryan, this is where I started. Here’s the new one for Deadtown Abbey (the blue and red lines won’t be on the actual bookmarks):

Screenshot 2015-04-18 at 9.10.19 PM

Screenshot 2015-04-18 at 9.07.16 PM

And here’s the new one (actually the first and only one so far, but still) for Reviva Las Vegas!:

Screenshot 2015-04-18 at 9.14.19 PM

You are currently amazed, right? Well, listen to this: I’m not even a professional graphic designer. I KNOW, RIGHT???

But that is nothing—nothing, I tell you—compared to the glory that is my new business card. Look upon my 2″ x 3½” works, ye Mighty, and despair!

hoade business card copy

I won’t lie: I love this design, and if you don’t like it, you are obviously a poopyhead. On the back will be just text saying, “Read the first half of any of my books for FREE at” Then maybe like a QR code or a manual phonograph or whatever the hip kids are doing these days.

Here are some Frequently Asked Questions I made up about these business cards:

Q. Won’t this design make people think you’re a comics writer or artist?

A. No. And even if it did, once they visit my website (the raison d’être for the business cards in the first place), all confusion (over that, anyway) will be dispelled.

Q. Um … that’s really the only question I had.

A. Come on, think of something. It’s not “Frequently Asked Question.”

Q. Fine, hold on … ummmmm … okay: What does “raison d’être” mean?

A. It means, “To eat a raisin.”

Q. What? That is completely false.

A. No more questions.


Zombiepalooza Radio, CthulhuCon 2015, and 10 ways to make sure no one ever wants to buy your book EVAR. And also more publicity stratagems from the mind of my Spousal Unit! 

* — Answer: No. I am not.


2 thoughts on “Publicity Part 3! Business cards and bookmarks! Even “hope”!

  1. Wait a minute. I have to wipe away tears of mirth. There, that’s better. I’m sitting here giggling as I write this. Amusical! Inspired! Brethren and sisthren. Excellent! Zombies in Las Vegas? Know when to run. Outstanding. You crack me up! The pièce de résistance is “to eat a raisin.” Ooo ooo ooo, my sides hurt. Also loved “fucking pathetic.” Totally taken by surprise. You can see that I’m easily amused, right? You need a few million more just like moi, though.

    Anyway, are you saying I should reread RLV, because it’s different, now?

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