Jerks be jerkin’, amirite? Academic edition

I love teaching fiction writing, but sometimes I’m glad that Dean [REDACTED] at a certain football-centric university that used to own its own slaves and Dean [ALSO REDACTED] at a certain public online nonprofit university soured me on doing it in an academic setting. Partially because of my anxiety issues and partially because I don’t take anything except imminent starvation especially seriously, living up to the expectations of a university doesn’t work so well for me. But although the weasely [REDACTED] smirked the entire time he was telling me he didn’t want me to teach for him anymore, at least he said something, even if it was only for his own oily amusement. The mysterious [ALSO REDACTED] asked me to be interviewed as a teaching and publishing success story for the campus magazine but not one week later said I was being removed from their teaching rosters and provided absolutely no explanation.


A candid shot of my two favorite academic industry check-cashers hanging out together.

Anyway, I bring up these two wunderbar asshats because I took a look at my rating for that online university and was heartily amused. This seems to be the kind of reactions I provoke in both administrators and in students: Either complete elation or utter disgust. (I think that this is sometimes within the same people.) Anyway, have a look. The first two are my standard-issue student love, and then the third one — as usual, with nothing to support it (as the positive reviews did have) — seems, and this might just be me, not to be as positive at its predecessors.

Sean Hoade

  • School: That online university
  • Department: English
  • Number of ratings 3

4/5/14 ENG 531

Easiness … 2 … Helpfulness … 5 … Clarity … 5 … Rater Interest … 4

Most of the professors in the creative writing program are poor to mediocre, but Professor Sean is the very best. He goes the extra mile to teach the materials while being so much fun to work with. He is always accessible and actively involved in the course. His feedback is very helpful.

3/23/14 ENG 531

Easiness 2 … Helpfulness … 5 … Clarity … 5 … Rater Interest … 4 

Prof. Sean is the best instructor I’ve ever encountered at [that online university]. His fun-loving personality shines through in everything he does. He explains every assignment thoroughly, and he participates actively in all discussions. I highly recommend him, and I’m signed up for another course with him. I’m really looking forward to it.

2/27/14 ENG 531

Easiness … 5 … Helpfulness … 1 … Clarity … 1 … Rater Interest … 4

He is useless as an instructor.

Although perhaps, in a different context, I could be considered very useful.


Anyway, all of this is to say is that there’s no pleasing some people, so I’m just going to please myself and those who like writing and learning, not just … well, whatever the fuck the Deans and student above are into. I seriously don’t know what that could be.


Honestly, your guess is as good as mine.