My bang has let out a bit of a wimper

Son, I think we need to talk. Here, sit down on this tree stump with me.

Of course I know we live in an third-floor apartment. I brought the stump up special so we could have a heart-to-heart. Just take off your hula hoop and have a seat.

All right. Remember that new novel of yours, The Axe? Or The Ask?

Right, The Act, right. So anyway, seems like you had your heart set on it coming out on July 2. Am I right about that?

Yeah, I thought so. Well, listen — no, take off that miner’s helmet — okay, your Jedi training visor — and hear me out. The book … ain’t gonna make it to stores by the beginning of July.

Hey now, don’t cry … would Andy Ken Skywalker cry about this?

What? Really? What the hell kind of name is that? Anyway, never mind — the important thing is that remember how you’ve been working with a proofreader on whipping The Act into fighting shape? Well, it’s turned into a final-draft-type polishing project. Coupla timeline things don’t make sense. A character disappears for no reason. Little things, but important. It’s not the end of the world —

No, it is not. Put the 9-volt battery down, son — licking it is only hurting yourself. It isn’t the end of the world. You just want it to be the top quality book that your readers deserve and expect. So we’re changing the release date to the beginning of August so it can be perfect.

No, that is not “forever from now.” Get off the floor. Let’s say August 6, the first Tuesday in August, okay? Tuesday, August 6, 2013, your new novel, The Act, will be released.

Yes, I promise. No, it isn’t like that other promise — look, you wouldn’t get down from the monkey bars, you’re 44 years old for Chrissake, what was I supposed to —

Never mind. The good news is, the Second Edition of Isn’t That an American? is still going to come out in the beginning of July, isn’t that nice?

What? Right, Ain’t That America. New cover, refined content, cheaper price. We’re all very proud of you, putting out books like such a big boy.

Hmm? No, Harry Potter has not called. He isn’t r–

Aw, jeez, again with the crying? I, um, you know, think he is more used to owls than PayPal bribes. Incentives. Whatever, son, I’m gonna go check on … on your Griffendorf or whatever.


4 thoughts on “My bang has let out a bit of a wimper

  1. This is hysterical! Come down off them monkey bars, you hear? You DO want it to be perfect, don’t ya? Put on your big boy pants and deal! *wipes eyes*

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