Big News! Announcing The Sean Hoade Book of the Month Club! Part 3 of 3

Big News!
Part III: Get in here for books delivered to you EVERY month!

To skip all of the fascinating content below and just join my Book of the Month Club, visit my Patreon page. $20 a month gets you fresh books until at least the end of 2019!

I looked at my stats for the blogs the past couple of days and we’re looking at like 50 views and no “likes.” That’s all right, I understand you might want to wait for the grand finale, the coup de grâce, the pièce de résistance!

images

Zee … how you say … zee baguettes!

Well, Frenchie, wait no more! This is what this so-far viewed-but-apparently-unliked 3-part blog series has led up to:

The Sean Hoade Book of the Month Club!

As we talked about in Part II of this series, I have 13 books and Penny Dreadful short novels out in the world. (Part I is also available if you missed it, you lucky ducks.) In the next month or two, an additional two novels, Silver-Age SF novel The Act and the sequel to Space Explosions! Pew! Pew! Pew!, of course titled Space Explosions 2: Pew Pew Boogaloo. That’s 15 books, all of which are of such high quality that the frickin NEW YORK TIMES BOOK REVIEW won’t review it because a 10-star review would make all of their other authors feel bad. This would be especially galling to those hoity-toity fancypants elite respected authors because the Times Book Review doesn’t even use rating stars.

So let’s say that, despite the towering odds against it, you don’t have any of my current books. You’re probably like, “Hey, how do I get the other residents at this RV park to respect me more?” The answer to this dilemma? Sign up to receive one Sean Hoade book every month until at least 2019 and maybe even further into the future. (Details below.)

I-NEED-to-learn-THE-English-to-take-over-the-world-TEFL-technology-class-in-the-not-too-distant-future“What do you mean the new Hoade book isn’t here yet, strangely well-dressed human slave?”

“Hey,” you say, and you’re darned tootin’, “I supported his Kickstarter back in February for the Tesla Trilogy. One of the rewards I was getting was his backlist—you tryin’ to pull something funny here or what?”

No, indeed, let me assure you. In fact, when you join the SHBotMC (an acronym I will not be using anymore, because it looks like Shitbot MC, the most fly DJ in the “Androids Only” bathroom), you will get a survey in which you let me know what books of mine you already have or are slated to receive through your Patreon support or Kickstarter backing. Those who have been my beloved Patreon peeps have already been getting a book every month, so if you’re one of those folks, just let me know what books you have and we’ll start you with any you don’t have first.

But let’s say that you don’t have any (or just one or two) of my books that are currently available. I’ll say Cthulhu Attacks! and Zombie School Confidential as an example. You will encounter this survey:

Please indicate the order in which you would like my currently available books. (Synopses and samples are at SeanHoade.com/books.) Put an X next to any books you do not want or already own.

_1_ Ain’t That America

_3_ Darwin’s Dreams

_6_ Inappropriate Behavior

etc. Deadtown Abbey

___ Reviva Las Vegas!

___ Eleven Inches From Heaven: The Adventures of Cal Longwood, Porn Star Detective (#1 of serial novel)

_X_ Cthulhu Attacks!

_X_ Zombie School Confidential

___ Congo Bongo (BotM Club EXCLUSIVE! Not available anywhere else!)

___ Space Explosions! Pew! Pew! Pew! (BotM Club EXCLUSIVE!)

___ Nikola Tesla vs. The Daylight Vampires (Hoade’s Penny Dreadfuls #1)

___ Absinthe in Arkham (HPD #2)

___ Lovecraft Cackles (HPD #3)

___ Space Explosions 2: Pew Pew Boogaloo (BotM Club EXCLUSIVE!)

___ The Act

___ NO PREFERENCE IN ORDER OF BOOKS

See? Easier than a sorority girl at Mardi Gras. (Or, to be fair, any man ever born.) You just put an “X” in books you don’t need or … *sniff* … don’t want. Then you put the order in which you’d like each book, like the examples above. If you don’t have a particular hankering for receiving certain books before others, just put a check in the line at the bottom, “NO PREFERENCE IN ORDER OF BOOKS.” I’ll pick good ones for ya!

Note: For books with sequels or are parts of a series, the first entries will always come before the second, the second before the third, and so on.

prod6400_dt Here is a picture of some numbers in order. You’re welcome.

“That’s all well and good,” you say because you were apparently born before World War I, “but how much does it cost to be a part of this exclusive Club of Books?”

I’m so glad you asked that, rhetorical interlocutor, especially since I made you up. But get this: it’s just $20 per month, sent via Patreon, which is extremely protective of its users (that’s you) and would whip me like I was sweet cream if I did not deliver every month. (Also, just ask my current Patreon supporters—they have gotten a book every month for something like 10 months already, but it wasn’t formalized and stuff like the new Book of the Month Club.)

This $20 per month brings you:

  • A brand-new, signed and inscribed by the author (me) to you (you), book every month!
  • An eBook download of that month’s book!
  • EXCLUSIVE books that NO ONE but Club members will get—these editions WILL NOT be for sale online or at Cons or anywhere else!
  • PLUS the just-released audiobook of Book 1 of Cthulhu Attacks!

cthulhu_by_disse86-d9tq84i“AUDIOBOOKS ARE EXTREMELY CONVENIENT!” — Cthulhu

So there you have it. From Part II you’ll recall that there are thirty books listed, and those aren’t even including new Penny Dreadfuls or newly commissioned books from my publisher. You will have a new book every month, guaranteed. AND you’ll be helping me as a writer and artist who gives great appreciation to all of his supporters.

If you’re interested in joining or just hearing more about the Sean Hoade Book of the Month Club, just drop me a line at sean@seanhoade.com with your contact info (really, just name and email address) and I can get you set up. Or, if you’re already savvy on all things Patreon, just come on board at my Patreon Book of the Month Club page!

You rock for reading this. I hope we can do this together!

Sean

Big News! PART II: In praise of Marvel’s movie plans (and how it relates to you and me)

BIG NEWS!

PART II: Marvel Studio’s genius ‘long game’ has inspired my own  

Hello, Constant Reader. You have stuck with me through thick and thin—or, you know, would have if you hadn’t listened to that old gypsy woman—and I shall reward you for your loyalty beyond your wildest imaginings! (N.B.: I’m assuming here that your wildest imaginings stop somewhere short of a bunch of cool books.)

As Benedict Cumberbatch said for no apparent reason in Star Trek: Into Copying Star Trek II Darkness, “Shall we begin?”

Marvel’s long game has been brilliant

Okay, so here’s what’s the what. You know how Marvel movies were planned so far in advance that Iron Man came out all the hell the way back in 2008. That was eight years ago, and we are years away from finishing even this cycle with these actors. This summer there’s Captain America: Civil War, which pits Cap against Iron Man and shit, and then also this year is Doctor Strange, which if you aren’t excited about this I don’t even know you anymore. What I’m saying is this started eight years ago and is going to continue forever because it was so well planned out.

marvel moviesThey’re planning so far ahead THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE A PICTURE for Avengers Part 3: Part 2.

Contrast this with the Keystone Kops approach of DC movies, which seems to be:

  1. Make a kind of shitty and boring, even depressing, Superman movie called Man of Steel a couple of years ago.
  2. Take the Man of Steel sequel and don’t make it a sequel but instead stuff it full of barely differentiated DC “heroes” (Wonder Woman gets a pass because she’s Wonder Woman) in a rush to Justice, if you will (oh, the wit!). We get glimpses of Aquaman, the Flash, and for some goddamn reason fucking Cyborg instead of Martian Manhunter, who in many ways is the soul of the Justice League.
  3. Make a shitty, rushed Justice League movie to compete with Marvel’s Avengers movies, each character of which was painstakingly rendered over years of lead-up films. I’m thinking this movie will be as fun as visiting your mother’s grave in the rain.  (Oh, wait, that was actually a scene in Superman v. Batman.)
  4. You know what character should get his own spinoff movie? Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor, Jr. People gave him shit because he was the only actor who expressed any emotion in the whole goddamn movie, when in fact he gave a Heath Ledger-level, character-defining performance.

lexBut I digress.

Anyway, what I’m doing is taking a page from Marvel’s comic book (OMG GET IT?!?) and planning my books wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy the fuck in advance. While this is exactly the kind of claustrophobia-inducing commitment that DC seems incapable of making, it is just right for yours truly.

Books until late 2019, should I live that long

I have books planned out for as long as my Medicaid and food stamps last. Dozens of books. Most of them will be under my name, but several will be under the pen name “Hugo Navikov” and will be written for hire for my publisher, like I’m an Old West ink-slinger. (I know that’s not a thing. Work with me here.)

Now, most of you know all too well the books I already have out, some of which were self-pubs now seeking nests with actual publishers, and some of which are published with the awesome genre house Severed Press. There will probably be other exclusive (I’ll explain tomorrow) pulp novels, but let’s quickly review the present slate:

1.
Available now

2.
Available now

3.
Available now

The comic suspense thriller Ain’t That America (2000)

The literary-historical fantasy Darwin’s Dreams (2008) The ill-advised story collection Inappropriate Behavior (2011)

4.
Available
now

5.
Available
now

6.
Special Edition
Limited Availability

The hysterical horror of Deadtown Abbey (2013) The dark world after the zombie apocalypse in Reviva Las Vegas! (2014) The arousing first chapter of the serial novel Cal Longwood, Porn Star Detective (2015)

7.
Available
now

8.
Available
now

9.
Special Edition
Limited Availability

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The for-real college course in the undead, the nonfiction Zombie School Confidential (2015) Book 1 of the epic Cthulhu Attacks! trilogy, The Fear (2015)

The cryptid pulp adventure Congo Bongo (written as “A. Nonymous”) (2015)

10.
Available now

11.
Available now

e13d692d5f140a6d5c592934b438708b

12.
Available now

Nikola Tesla vs. The Daylight Vampires (Hoade’s Penny Dreadfuls #1) (2016) The rip-roaring SF yarn Space Explosions! Pew! Pew! Pew! (written as “A. Nonymous”) (2016) Absinthe in Arkham: Two Tales of Lovecraftian Decadence (Hoade’s Penny Dreadfuls #2) (2016)

13.
Launching at HPLFF
April 29!

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14.
Coming
in May

d6e9ce99c69570ce254ba6ec1ae33aa7

15.
Coming
this Summer

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The side-(and mind-) splitting Lovecraft Cackles: 2 Tales of Miskatonic Mayhem (Hoade’s Penny Dreadfuls #3) (2016) The Silver Age science fiction novel The Act The rip-roaring SF yarn Space Explosions! Pew! Pew! Pew! (written as “A. Nonymous”)

16.
Coming
this Summer

59e4bafe28c1941a4a74722345c4bfb5

17.
Coming
this Summer

e1ab3759e2611d2f98b5a4f9431565b9

18.
Coming
this Fall

d6dd2cc67c616c99099d1512d35c794d

The eagerly awaited next chapter of the Cthulhu Attacks! saga, Book 3: The Faith Nikola Tesla Meets The Slender Man (Hoade’s Penny Dreadfuls #4) The Steampunk pulp adventure Prehistoric Beasts and Where to Fight Them 

19.
Coming
this Winter

5aa53302a1c6d1c0fded3189d9ededf6

20.
Coming
Holidays 2016

dc7c8a9b68cc8c1bb192c9413f0feba5

21.
Coming
early 2017

b2a7e1fe6a013c88ae7617a1a9550289

The incredible finale of Cthulhu Attacks!
Book 3: The Fight 

Christmas in Hell: Two Stories of ‘O, Holy Shit!’ (Hoade’s Penny Dreadfuls #5)

(This will be sent for the holiday season no matter when you start!)

Tesla and Darwin Fight Edison’s Ravenous Megalodons through the Judicious Use of Time Travel and Giant Robots
(The Tesla Trilogy, Book 1)

22.
Coming in
early 2017

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23.
Coming in
mid-2017

eccd4003c93a4b1f47e8ab3ed6c38706

24.
Coming in
mid-2017

623a22f9113d96c83fccc2b551879a15

Absinthe in Arkham 2: More Tales of Lovecraftian Decadence (Hoade’s Penny Dreadfuls #6) Tesla and Edison Reluctantly Unite to Fight Against the Order of the Mystic Eye Using Only the Finest Scientific Principles (The Tesla Trilogy, Book 2) Tales from the Opium Den (Hoade’s Penny Dreadfuls #7)

25.
Coming in
late 2017

b6541c1c66c335abd7bcecc4d5c1be7a

26.
Coming
in 2018

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27.
Coming
in 2018

ac0b9e59a12a545e33dfde92ff8abbea

Tesla and Nellie Bly Fight MIRROR TESLA and His Arc-Light of Death by Bending the Very Laws of Nature (The Tesla Trilogy, Book 3) Nikola Tesla Sinks The Flying Dutchman (Hoade’s Penny Dreadfuls #8) Congo Bongo 2: Mondo Bongo (written as “A. Nonymous”)

25.
Coming
in 2018

6564211f64f17e2eef9922f36f3932a7

27.
Coming
in
 2019

7118ad2137ca74f1568b7d43a1d241fd

27.
Coming in
early 2019

b2ab0468a0087729040bb8216b367880

The Phildickian science fiction adventure Patron Saint The ’70s Vegas crime thriller The Mook The first book of The Multiverse Trilogy: Analog

28.
Coming
mid-2019

9b8ba5bded0a06dd221e5c539c55017e

29.
Coming
in 2019

98eba47f7b9ce5a492086fca97ce531c

30.
Coming
late 2019

b0ee804772a92edca218a783310859ea

The second book of The Multiverse Trilogy: Digital  The supernatural horror of Bop: A Novel of Terror and Revenge The final book of The Multiverse Trilogy: Quantum 

All of these books can (and let’s admit it, probably will) be yours! To find out how—and get a FREE audiobook of Cthulhu Attacks!—tune in tomorrow for all the info about THE SEAN HOADE BOOK OF THE MONTH CLUB!

A note to current Patreon supporters and backers of my Tesla Trilogy Kickstarter

You may be thinking, “Hey, I’m already supposed to get some of these books and stuff! I ain’t payin’ twice for the same stuff!” Indeed not, my somewhat rowdy-sounding friend. Those books which you already have or will be receiving through Patreon or Kickstarter will be getting only books you don’t already have. [Italics mine, for dramatic effect. DID IT WORK? (Caps mine, for extra dramatic effect. I won’t do bold now. You get the gag.)]

So (1) don’t feel like you’re getting shlonged, as the Fat Melting Carrot of Hate would say; and (b) come back to the blog on Thursday for the amazement and inspiration that will be my Book of the Month Club! (I think bold was justified here.)

Onward to tomorrow!

Big News! Audiobooks, Marvel’s long game, and the Book of the Month Club! Part 1 of 3

BIG NEWS!
PART I: The audiobook
of Cthulhu Attacks! is HERE!

Cover for CA for Web

Hello, Constant Reader. You have stuck with me through thick and thin—or, you know, I’m sure you would have except for that old gypsy woman—and I shall reward you for your loyalty beyond your wildest imaginings over my next three blog posts!

chicken.jpgI’m hoping your wildest imaginings are somewhat modest.

What you hold in your hands … or screen, whatever, forget that, not important … is the first of three SPECTACULAR, EARTH-MOVING, MIND-BLOWING blog posts over the next three days that will address the following, in order:

  1. The launch and release this weekend of the audiobook of Cthulhu Attacks! Book 1: The Fear. This comes just a month or two before the release of Book 2: The Faith. It will be available in a special edition (including a copy of the eBook and signed by myself and the amazing narrator, Nicholas Thurkettle. After this weekend, it will be available on Audible and Amazon.com! How much? Just $9.99. THAT’S NINE DOLLARS AND NINETY-NINE CENTS! You can’t get half that much audiobook for twice that amount anywhere else.


chalkboards
Somebody check my math?

  1. The long-game plan for my upcoming books through 2019. I share what these books shall hold, either the finished or concept cover art, and when they’ll be available! I’ll talk a good bit about Marvel Studio’s long-term release schedule, each movie making the next just that more tantalizing!
  2. And this here final chapter is the big reveal, why I’ve been talking about the long game, how you can be a part of this oeuvre in the Sean Hoade Book of the Month Club! Exciting now? Yes. But just wait until you read the details! 

daily-calendar-psd-template copyNo, but seriously. Just wait until you hear the details. Thursday is soon.

So please put your hands together for the audiobook of Cthulhu Attacks! (I’ll replace the bold here with a link when it’s available on Amazon. But IF you can’t wait and want one right now, well, dammit, who am I to stop you? 

  • If you would like to buy an advance download of the audiobook, click here!
  • If you would like a buy an advance CD of the audiobook, click here!

Tomorrow, I shall give you the details of all of my books until 2019 and how you can get them before anyone else. Also, I discuss Marvel’s genius long game (which I was inspired by) as compared to the Titanic/Hindenberg-level disaster of DC’s movie “plan.”

Good stuff, I promise! See you tomorrow.

 

Deadlines, amirite? Whoosh! Whoosh!

My next blog post will be about the “Sean Hoade Book of the Month Club.” It will be très cool.

lemon_stand_2

It’s an old saying that “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Truer, less-helpful words have never been spoken. Did life also give you water and a shit-ton of sugar? How about ice? Yeah, not so easy now, is it, Mister Aphorism?

Anyway, life has provided me with several variations of citrus fruit in the past little while. We’ve talked about the cancer. We’ve discussed the Con schedule. And now we must mention the ghostwriting.

My awesome publisher contacted me back in November of last year to ghost-write a novel about an Indiana Jones-esque adventurer who saves people in the Congo from a raging Spinosaur. I call this book Congo Bongo because I was paid and told to not say I wrote the actual book under its actual title. The Spinosaur was the main antagonist in Jurassic Park III, if you don’t count the resistance my brain had to envisioning William H. Macy and Tea Leone as a romantic couple. <shiver>

In any case, same animal. But my book as assigned has a twist! Okay, are you ready for this? While Jurassic Park‘s Spinosaur came from the ill-advised breeding program run by Santa Claus, adult Damien, and Seth Brundle, Congo Bongo‘s Spinosaur was already there in the Congo! That’s a big-ass jungle and ginormous river, so one can suspend disbelief and have fun or you can be a nit-picking Debbie Downer and ruin everyone’s day.

Very satisfied with Congo Bongo, my publisher asked me if I wanted to pay rent this month to pen another ghostwriting novel. Well, I said yes, and now Space Explosions! Pew! Pew! Pew! will soon be on shelves under a different title and author name.

And he let me know today that there would be further ghostwriting assignments to come.

So these aren’t exactly cases of life giving anything but money-fruit. I am kind of impressed with myself that I’m now a “pulp novel writer for hire” sort of fellow. However, it has wrought havoc with my announced publication schedule, which has already been changed several times. I do sincerely apologize for the changes, and I am now going to take the sage advice that I not put exact dates or months on when certain books will be coming out. So let’s talk order, not exact dates.

My contract with Severed Press calls for the three volumes in the Cthulhu Attacks! trilogy, plus a standalone novel about Megalodons, these supposedly extinct prehistoric alpha predators, being fought by people and, I imagine, ultimately being destroyed.

That’s it: “Novel about Megalodons.”

Now, me being me, I turned that into The Tesla Trilogy, three Steampunky adventures that involve not only Megalodons but also time travel, giant robots, and an existential investigation of the nature of time, being, and fate. This, I suddenly realized, was way too esoteric and, how should I say this, not really about Megalodons. Severed had once rejected Reviva Las Vegas! because it wasn’t the blood-and-guts type of zombie story their readers expect and prefer. (It’s a bit more, pardon the zombie pun, cerebral.)

Well, Mr. Tesla and Mr. Darwin Fight Edison’s Ravenous Megalodons through the Judicious Use of Time Travel and Giant Robots (and its two follow-ups) make Reviva Las Vegas! look like Cannibal Holocaust in the blood-and-guts department. This would not bode well for the marketing and sales of The Tesla Trilogy.

Thus, with Severed’s blessing, I am writing a standalone Megalodon novel as the contract called for. (Severed had never actually bought the last two Tesla books, but they were interested in them.) This book will now be written and released before Cthulhu Attacks! Book 2: The Faith. And what is this book? It is:

Captain Nemo vs. The MegalodonGranted, that’s not the most spectacular title in the world, and I think most modern readers and such will see “Nemo” and think Finding Nemo or even the old-school graphic novel Little Nemo. Thus, I’m seriously considering calling it something like Gilded Age Megalodon or Steampunk Megalodon or the like. But that’s the working title. It will take Jules Verne’s famous insane submarine captain and put him up against not some silly Kraken, but against, yes, M E G A L O D O N S! 

I bet you did not see that coming.

So what about the novels already in the pipeline? What about the Kickstarter project of The Tesla Trilogy? What about Cthulhu Attacks books 2 and 3? 

I am currently shopping the Tesla books around to some agents and publishers. I have to write some pretty intense synopses of all three books (the first one being a bit easier, but not a lot easier) and have the first one finished and polished to send out before I can really expect any kind of response.

However, Kickstarter folks need not worry—all the rewards shall be coming to you in their full glory! Just the actual Tesla books (and of course the Deluxe Omnibus Edition) will be delayed. I will send out promised backlist ebooks, print books, and (soon to come) audiobooks to those KS supporters waiting for them. I might see if I can’t have special editions of the three novels specially printed for my KS supporters and not put on sale anywhere else if the search for a new publisher drags on. Kinda best of both worlds there! So watch this space for news.

Anyway, the next book coming out after Captain Nemo vs. Megalodons will be the second book in the Cthulhu Attacks! trilogy, The Faith. If the first Tesla book has not yet been released, then the third Cthulhu book, The Fight, shall be the next one coming to you.

If whatever publisher who picks up The Tesla Trilogy releases them in a serendipitous time frame, each Tesla book will come out just after each Cthulhu book. But for now, the last two installments of the Cthulhu Attacks! trilogy will be released before any of the Tesla books.

That said, there will still be Tesla as well as Lovecraftian  Penny Dreadfuls coming out irregularly for your reading enjoyment.

Please note that I am not now putting exact dates on when any of these will be released. But I do promise that as soon as I know, you shall know.

And thank you ever so much for your patience. It shall be rewarded!

New! Less Ambitious! More sane! My updated 2016 book release schedule!

Hello, dear readers of mine!

I have put together a calendar of when my plethora of 2016 books will each be released! With my wife’s recently diagnosed cancer and my Con schedule for the year, I had to give a little more time to myself to get each project written and edited. Patreon patrons and Kickstarter backers will get their own different messages, but I want to share my plan with all y’all.

Ghostwriting ‘Space Marines’ novel

Yes, I have another paying novel job from my awesome publisher, at 40,000 words something I’ll be able to knock out by the end of February, and then I can return to the novels with my actual name on them.

Tesla & Darwin vs. Edison’s Megalodons

This book, currently being written, is the first entry in The Tesla Trilogy which my Kickstarter backers have been most kind in supporting. All of the books on this list are going to be edited by my proofing minion, Ann, and an additional week will be devoted to making those changes once the draft and first edit are finished.

Right now it looks like this first Tesla Trilogy novel will be finished on or about April 4, 2016.Of course it will be sent out immediately to all my Patreon supporters and Kickstarter backers as soon as the books arrive, but then on sale at Cons and on Amazon!

Cthulhu Attacks! Book 2: The Faith

I shall start in after a short rest on Part 2 of my best-selling Cthulhu Attacks! trilogy in early April. I expect the book to be released right about the middle of June 2016, and it shall be glorious! I only hope that I can live up to the expectations of the first book. It will be sent out right away to my supporters and then made available to all!

Tesla & Edison vs. The Order of the Mystic Eye

Part 2 of The Tesla Trilogy will be the story of a very reluctant partnership between Tesla and his nemesis, Thomas Edison. It should be quite fun! After a short rest following the publication of the second Cthulhu Attacks! book, I  place the release for this highly anticipated second entry around September 1. Once again, supporters will get the first copies, and then I plan to launch it at the Salt Lake Comic Con in September!

Cthulhu Attacks! Book 3: The Fight

Finishing up this epochal Lovecraftian book series will commence immediately after the second Tesla book is published, and it should be in stores and online by October 31.

Tesla & Nellie Bly vs. Mirror Tesla & His Arc-Light of Death

This is Book 3 of The Tesla Trilogy, and quite possibly the most exciting of the bunch. This also shall be the final novel (other than ghostwriting projects) that I will release in 2016, with the possible exception of my long-promised Silver Age SF novel, The Act (which requires only that I put in the massive edits already done). I will begin work on it right after the release of Cthulhu Attacks! Book 3 and should have it ready to launch by the Christmas shopping season.

The Tesla Trilogy BIG BOOK

This is the beautiful hardback, faux-leatherbound, gold-stamped omnibus edition that was financed by my recent Kickstarter. These won’t be for sale anywhere, going either to my Kickstarter folks or given by myself as gifts. But the way, the schedule looks now it will be coming people’s way in early 2017. I apologize for the delay, but I promise you it will be worth it!

That’s a lot of books, eh?
My plan is to have 2016 be my annus mirabilis, something comparable to Philip K. Dick’s 1964. With your wind at my back, dear friends, I do believe I can make it a Year of Miracles!

And thank you ever so much for your patience. It shall be rewarded!

 

Pulp steampunk fiction creates new view of universe!

Okay, that headline is a little click-baity, but the first Tesla Trilogy book, Mr. Tesla and Mr. Darwin Fight Against Edison’s Ravenous Megalodons through the Judicious Use of Time Travel and Giant Robots is taking me into some strange and deep waters.

T&amp;D cover

The new book—for Amazon purposes titled Telsa and Darwin vs. Edison’s Megalodons—is a bit of a pulpy Steampunk romp, but this strange story also cuts to the heart of metaphysics, positing its own theory of time, time travel, and the multiverse. It’s not patent nonsense—in fact, it’s entirely internally consistent, which all fiction must be, no matter what the genre. That consistency doesn’t make it true, of course—the game of chess is absolutely internally consistent, but chess isn’t somehow “true”—but it does make it interesting.

That said, devising this multiverse has slowed down the actual writing of the book rather seriously thus far. And that being said, I’m finished setting up the metaphysics of this universe, and I’m posting below an appendix to my pulpy book that delineates the worldview and “timestream nomenclature” I’m using in the novel. It will give me a sense of closure on the world-building so now I can get to the fisticuffs between almost every party in the story, including the Megalodons.

You want to see Tesla and Darwin as badasses? Wanna see Edison and (to a greater extent) Josef Mengele get what’s coming to them?* Want to see a world devastated by oceans chock-full of ginormous man-eating giant prehistoric sharks? Very soon, you shall, my dears.

But for now, have fun with my “monograph” on time travel and the multiverse from the new book due in late February. Click on the image for the full PDF, and please let me know what you think!

Appendix A of Tesla &amp; Darwin vs. Edison's Megalodons

Appendix A of Tesla and Darwin vs. Edison’s Megalodons

 * — Edison should really never be lumped in with a genocidal evil maniac. By all real-life accounts, while he was a bit of a megalomaniac, egomaniac, and occasionally dirty-dealing businessman, Thomas Edison was also steadfastly against war and violence and wanted only to improve the world, but of course his way. For the purposes of our melodrama, however, he is a boo-and-hissable villain.

The Nazi “doctor” Josef Mengele, on the other hand, could never be portrayed as infinitely evil as he was, but I shall be giving him the punishment here that he never received in life … and will have a LOT of enjoyment in doing it, too.

Give the gift of AWESOME this year!

Deciding what Christmas gift to get for that loved one who “has everything” or “never likes what they get” or “is a complete pain in the ass and $15 is worth it to me to shut them up” can be a problem. Who has the time for all that hassle?

[Insert “informercial”-style clip of person trying to unwrap a gift and getting entangled in the ribbon and choking to death]

man_fire.jpg“Goddamn double-sided tape!”

But now there’s ZOMG ALL THE BOOKS by me! They make excellent gifts for anyone aged “zygote” to “died in 1947,” although 12 to “still alive” is technically the target demographic.

These books are all available for purchase at SeanHoade.com (signed and inscribed) and at Amazon.com (where they have the eBooks as well, but not signed or inscribed). Let us take a walk down Hoadebook Lane, shall we? (Click on the cover or text to read a big free sample and also order the book!)

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For half a billion years, Cthulhu has lain trapped in R’lyeh, dead but dreaming. But now the stars are right, and the Old One is rising.

Instant death for hundreds of millions, insanity for many more. And he hasn’t even gotten out of the water yet.

World governments and a desperate and frightened populace scramble to understand, survive, and ultimately fight back against an enemy so powerful his presence could kill every human on Earth without him even noticing we are here.

Buckle up for apocalyptic suspense as you witness what happens when CTHULHU ATTACKS!

 

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All the facts.

All the lore.

All the terrible truth about ZOMBIES.

Here you’ll discover how the zombie mythos arose. Everything you need to know about the most terrifying fictional and actual zombie viruses is within these pages. And causes? Probes from Venus, accidents in government labs, evolution run amok–it’s all here, and it’s all horrifying. “Professor Zombie,” Sean Hoade, taught the groundbreaking first for-credit college class on Zombies, and it’s all distilled in this one book! Enroll now. Your real education is about to begin.

 

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One poker player.

One million zombies.

Not the best of odds.

Eight years after the Zombocalypse, former poker pro Chris Newman is just trying to make it through the day with his wits and his skills on the felt.

But now somebody powerful wants a game with Chris, and the stakes couldn’t be higher: If he wins, he gets to stay within the gates of Dos Vegas, the last zombie-free city in America, maybe in the world.

But if he loses …

 

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DOWNTON ABBEY MEETS LOVECRAFT MEETS NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

 It is a world few of us have ever known.

 A world of masters and servants, where everyone knows one’s place. 

A world of newfangled technology like telephones and motorcars. 

A world of vampires, werewolves, zombies, and monsters of the deep.

At the center of his necropolis estate lives the Earl of Monroe, who must hold the family he loves and the servants he trusts together against the eldritch onslaught of this rapidly changing world.

 

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In 1831, when Charles Darwin joins Robert FitzRoy’s HMS Beagle for a five-year voyage, the budding naturalist is a 22-year-old unknown, while the Captain is at 26 one of the brightest stars of the Royal Navy, a descendant of Charles II. By 1865, Darwin is world famous, and FitzRoy is a bitter footnote of history, known now mostly for his role in aiding Darwin’s earth-shaking observations.

This is the story of these two men as their faith, ideas, and reputations clash, meld, and fight for supremacy. Told through their decades-long friendship and rivalry, each step in their journey is interlaced with powerful visions Darwin dreams of the many ways life might evolve, as well as with his nightmares just before waking, in the antemeridian of early morning.

With Darwin’s Dreams, author Sean Hoade explores the poetry of science; the nonlinear dance of imagination; and the cruelty that life can bring to even the noblest of men.

 

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It was supposed to be so simple.

Gordon Mitchell had the good life all planned out—a million and a half in embezzled cash, a plane waiting in Mexico to take him far away, and a sexy little thing named Janey to call his own. All he had to do was stop off on the way and kill his wife, Wanda.

Simple.

At least it was before an Ivy Leaguer-turned-highway robber named Spike Jones held him up, fell in love with Wanda, and shanghaied his RV.

Now it’s not so simple.

But the way Gordon sees it, the good life is still within his reach. And a little more blood on his hands sure isn’t going to stop him from getting it.

 

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In his first collection of short stories, Sean Hoade takes readers places they might not want to go, but which they’ll love once they get there.

Including:

Plus: Jesus, robots, hand harmonicas, porn stars in the Midwest, reality TV, and much more ill-advised literary adventure!

 

But wait, there’s more!

This t-shirt design was conceived by me and executed excellently by supreme artiste Putnam Finch, for sale on CafePress.com. Star Wars cuteness! All royalties go to my friend’s personal fight against cancer.

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Life is good. Make it gooder with swag from SeanHoade.com!